Brain Slag

I've made a new scientific discovery and, thanks to the miracle of the internet, I can now tell the world about it.

I have discovered brain slag. Slag, as you all know, is that metal junk that accumulates when things like steel are heated and melted. It isn't trash, just excess steel that is cast aside after the metal has been made into something useful. I have discovered that the process of using your brain for reasoning can also create slag - brain slag.

The difference between humans and animals is obvious, animals can't get arrested for being naked. No uh, wait a minute. That wasn't it. Let's see now, what was I thinking again?

Oh yea, the difference between humans and animals is that humans can reason. Humans can reason because they have that extra brain area which is located in the forehead. Animals don't have that and therefore can't reason. Some humans with foreheads have trouble reasoning too but, in most cases they become politically successful and therefore don't need it.

The new scientific discovery that I've made is this; dogs don't have boogers. Even though they have a nose that is ten times larger and one hundred times more powerful than a humans' nose, they don't have boogers. Check out your dogs, watch them closely. Notice that they never carry a hanky? Do you notice that they never sneak off to the corner and blow (like carpenters or plumbers) the clustered snot out of their noses? They have plenty of snot of course.

Some people actually think a dog is unhealthy if its nose isn't covered in dripping snot. But they don't get boogers in their noses (In their eyes yes but that is a different posting).

It's hard to understand why a dog can manufacture industrial amounts of snot and breathe through its nose the entire day and never come up with even a trace of hardening in the nasal areas.

Horses don't get boogers either. Cats? No boogers. No hippopotamus boogers, no kangaroo boogers, no elephant, ostrich, llama, camel, donkey, tapir, elk or opossum have boogers. No animals that I can think of and no reptiles, spiders, birds or amphibians have boogers either.

And why not? Because they don't reason. Because they don't have that miraculous forehead that is owned only by humankind.

They don't think and therefore don't create the brain slag that's typical of those who do. And where is that slag stored once it's created? You guessed it - in the nose. And we call it boogers. We actually pick it out and throw it away because we haven't realized, until now, that brain slag is really the remnants of reasonable thought from our brains. We haven't realized, until today, that brain slag must be saved, cultivated, and re-ingested into our systems. If this isn't done then we lose some of our thoughts, our memories, even our dreams. We must re-ingest the slag in order to regain the lost thoughts that we throw away when we take a hankie and blow.

This article that you're reading right now will soon be read around the world. Great minds in congress and intelligent thinkers in academia will suddenly be awakened. In colleges and think-tanks throughout the land people will finally arise and begin harvesting that all important brain slag and ingesting it. This movement will usher in a new age for the world and, since you have read this article before most of the nation, you are invited to come with me and march in the forefront of the new millenium. Follow me to enlightenment. Walk with me as leaders of the new world. Let's harvest that slag and let's re-ingest that slag and return it to our brains where it rightfully belongs. And let's invite the world to a new beginning.