honesty

Sometimes we need to air out the room.  Bring some honesty to the fore.  Sometimes it's better to disclose the clouded issues than it is to keep them silent and hidden.


I'm talking of course, about farting. 


Other people farting is uncomfortable and bothersome.  It's a pain in the ass.  I just got back from the Y and am remembering the lingering aroma of dozens of people who eat healthy foods (fresh, raw vegetables, fiber, beans) and then exert their insides enough to squeeze out the air.  There's always a layer of strange smell at the Y.


I don't like that smell and I don't know why. 


Don't know why? You may say.  If you didn't say that then this wouldn't be worth writing so I'll assume you say what I think you may say.  Thank you.


Don't know why, I say, because I love my farting.  So long as it's a clean, dry, efficient one.  Uh. No, I like the bad ones too.
My own farts always seem to be  associated with good feelings.  Release of the demons inside.  Cleaning out the bad air.  Sort of like wringing out the rag.


But that's not all.  The honesty part starts now.  I like the smell of my own farts.  Whenever I fart, no matter where I am or what I'm doing, I wait for that drifting smell.  And I like it. 
You heard it here.
I like to smell my own farts.


I don't know why that is.  Maybe it's something like conditioning.  Something like, when you release the demons and you feel better, that's when you smell the smell.  And maybe over the decades you learn to associate that smell with feeling good.  I don't know,maybethat's what's going on.  But I wonder.  Because if that were the case then I should like all farts, but I don't.  I hate the smell of other people's farts.  Even in the throes of passion, I do lose a little when my partner lets one go.  Now that could be due to my age-old belief  (when I was in elementary school) that girls didn't fart.  And whoa, heck-no, girls never shit.  Not pretty ones anyway.  I was disgusted to find out the truth about that.  If I were the culprit then it wouldn't bother me at all. 


So I want to know; do others like their own farts?  Or am I just different in that way.  I'm guessing that if you ask around, most people won't admit it.  So then if you took a survey you couldn't believe it and such a thing could be a waste of time.


But if you could do a reliable survey, and you could prove that most people (such as is my suspicion) do like to smell their own farts, well there you go.  A multi-million dollar industry just waiting to blow its effects out into the world. 


I could start a business.  Finance this pennyless retirement that I'm experiencing here.  First of all I'd need to create some sort of machine or thing or something.  It would have to be a thing where a person could save up their farts.  Like donating blood or something.  I could locate little kiosks around town in convenient places where people, when overloaded with personal poopy smells, could stop by and deposit some fresh farts.  I could save these smells and label them and sort them into some sort of flatulationary database and set them up for future retrieval. 


Later on.  When the need arises.  Like on a lonely Saturday night or a long-distance drive or something.  The people could open up a box of package-pooty and release their very own satisfying fart smell.
I like it.  Watch for my IPO.


A blast of business perfectly perched for the sweet smell of success.