Trash Can

How the heck do you throw away a trash can?

Ms Donna bought this sissy can a few months back and it didn’t take long to devolve into a disastrous liability instead of the trashcan asset that we needed. She bought it from Big Lots (Today’s T.G.& Y.) where things pre-broken are made available to the public.

Big Lots is the kind of place where women are enticed to buy things that only men should make decisions about. You know, they sell those cheap tool sets that women like to buy for husbands and husbands like to put in a box in the garage. Men know about cheap tools. They don’t work. Every man knows that a tool needs to be tough enough to throw against a concrete wall during a strong cursing surge and then picked up for use again after a beer – still intact and able to finish the job.

So anyway, she bought this cheapy trash can that had a handle and ‘cute’ little wheels on one side. The idea is that you pull the full container by the handle leaned on its wheels and that way you have an easy trip to the curb with your trash. “Why did you buy one like that?” I sneered. It’ll just fall apart. “Because it’s easier for me to take out when it has a handle like that”, she said. Yea right. She’s never taken the trash out. Never never never taken the trash out. Even when she takes trash out of her car it only makes it to a box in the garage. The trash can is closer to her than the garage box but she won’t go there. Too dirty.

So anyway, I used the dang new can. And it fell apart. The wheels held up for about 2 months but the handle tore off right away. Maybe my trash is too heavy. Maybe I pull too hard. But if I had one of those simple cans with regular handles and no fancy stuff it would still be doing its job. My other trash can was old when we got this new one and it is still a perfectly good thing. It worked away all nice and sound while this fancy pantsy newfangled thing just died.

So I had to throw it away. I set it out there to be thrown out. Next day it was still there. They didn’t take it, I suppose, because they don’t take trash cans. They empty them.

I thought I set it out there empty so they’d know to take it but after talking with Ms Donna I found out that she put some newspapers in it after I set it out there. So that’s why they didn’t take it. The next week on trash day I left it out there empty. They didn’t take it.

So I got me some paint from the garage. Painted a sign on the junk can.THIS CAN IS TRASH – PLEASE THROW AWAY CAN.They still didn’t take it. I realized I’d need to go to B. Dalton soon and get a book on Spanish so I could translate that phrase into something useful. So I got out a large knife and cut the dang thing up. Cut it up into pieces and stuffed them into the other can. Took me 3 weeks because I had other trash too. But this morning I got rid of the last of it. While I was doing it I noticed a new trash can in the back of Ms Donna’s van. It has wheels and a handle. I guess she got that so it would be easier for her when she took out the trash.