Wash Your Hands

OK, so, it's flue season once again.
Time to wash your hands.

A non-scientific study done by the girls I worked with at Oktoberfest (Tulsa's spelling) one year showed us that most of the men leaving the restroom across from our command post didn't wash their hands at all. The drunker they got the less they cared.

But that isn't the case when we're being public about it. "Employees MUST wash their hands before returning to work". We must all wash our hands while singing "Happy Birthday" at least once after eliminating. "Don't Bug me", keep that flu away. Don't spread those germs to others. Keep it clean, keep it safe, wash your hands to make a better place.

So anyway, we're all pretending it's vitally important to wash our hands.
"Pretending"? Yes. It's useless.
Let me explain:

They've actually done studies on the best way to wash hands. I've read that the circular towels you find in washrooms are really filthy. They say don't use 'em. I've read that the paper towel dispensers are bad because you have to touch a lever to get the towel to come out. When you do that you're picking up germs left behind by you-don't-know-who. I've read that the blowing machines don't work because people get tired of waiting for them and end up wiping hands on jeans and I've read there are other and varied unacceptable ways to get ourselves dry.

They seem to have invented a new way that's pretty good with the dispensers that detect your movement in front of the machine and when it does, it lets you have one paper towel at a time. How many millions got spent figuring that one out.

I guess that one's ok. It's better than those fancy hoity-toit bathrooms where the old man in a white coat sits there with candy and cigars holding the only paper towels in the place so that he can hand one to you expecting a tip. Who invented that job? Someone who likes watching people pee no doubt.

So anyway, it's considered important for us to go in there and clean ourselves up and do it sanitarily and safely with whatever is the latest invention to keep the germs away. And before that, while preparing to wash, don't we have to turn the sink on? Have you ever stopped to think what is on that sink? Oceans of pee-ers have gone in front of you and touched their questionably clean members and then touched those faucet turner oners and now here you are doing the same thing. Then you wash and rinse and touch them again. Isn't that the same thing as you touching some dirty person who peed before you? Oh, I guess it's not exactly the same is it? If it was somebody would be charging for it. But anyway it's not clean.

So you have to remember to not touch the handles. Use your elbows. Or a foot thingy. Or paper towels. Ah yes, the smart prissy boys I work with use paper towels. And then after using a paper towel to turn on and off the handles, they use another towel to dry off their hands and then get yet another towel to carry out with them to handle the door handle.

This is all a bunch of bunk.
Nonsense.
And it doesn't work.

Just think. You've gotta pee. You use your hands to unbuckle and unbutton and grasp and remove. You pull down your pants/slacks/coverings, whatever. Then you pee. Then you use those same hands to pull back up and fasten and buckle and all the required return-to-public settings. Now what have you done. If you didn't waddle over to the sink and correctly and sanitarily wash your filthy hands while your pants or dress are down around your ankles then you've done very little to stay healthy. Because now you've got germs all over your clothing where you touched it getting in and out of the elimination situation. Now your going to touch your clothing somewhere sometime again soon right in the same place where you left all those bathroom germs before.

Tisn't very sanitary.

There's only one answer to this non-sanitary insanity.

We need to remodel all bathrooms.

I've started my own business doing just that. In my own personal attempt to save the world I now offer sanitary bathroom remodeling. I'll completely gut your bathroom and rebuild it with a new room added. You'll first enter the outer room, the depantsing room, if you will. There is where you'll disrobe completely and then you'll enter the bathroom where you can pee, pick boogers, play with yourself and anything else you want and then wash and dry and do all that stuff that is needed. Then you can leave the bathroom business room and reenter the depantsing room where you can put yourself back together once again.

I'm selling stock.

Join with me to revolution the world. Help me save the sanitation around the globe.
Please send money.
Soon.