Baby on Board

The sign said "Children on Board".
Reminds me of the old signs young parents used to have on their cars saying they have a 'Baby on Board'. Why did they do that? They want me to be more careful? Why more careful? Are they saying, hey, no rough-housing with your car today. I've got my kid with me.

Oh gee. Crap. I was thinking of smashing into your minivan, just looking for a good yuk. But now you've asked me to not be so stupid. Ok, I guess I'll just have to find someone else. Gee, I sure wish you weren't carrying kids right now because I'm looking for a car to ram with my ten thousand dollar only-means-of-transportation-in-the-world car.

What do they think I'm going to do? Or worse, what do they think I would do if they didn't have that sign on their car? If I was the kind of person who needed a sign to keep me from hurting someone or messing with someone then I really doubt that sign would keep me under any kind of control.

Maybe they're not trying to be insulting at all. Maybe they're just saying "Hey you guys, I've got my kid here. Come look!". I could give them that. Maybe next time I see one of those signs I'll follow the car and when they stop just walk right up to them and look inside. Maybe even stick my hand in and tickle the kids. "Coochie, coochie... Oh God lady, don't shoot". No. Wouldn't work in this day and age.

The thing I saw that sign on today was a sort-of bus for kids. Looked like it was some kind of special school or something. Welfare training maybe. After all, I was in the I'm-not-working-and-damned-proud-of-it part of town. Bring those kids up right. Teach them how to get by in this cruel and competetive world.

Well I see they cart kids around in small cars and in mini-vans and in big busses and little busses. And I see where they like to tell us to 'Be Safe' while driving because kids are out there. I see where they say to be careful and slow down in the school crossings. I slow way down and sometimes get too close to walking kidlings because I'm paying too much attention to the speedometer.

I see school busses too. I see the kids inside them. Around here they don't wear seatbelts. They say the busses aren't going fast enough to have them. They're what? I'll bet you there's a bunch of rednecks out there who would quickly same the same thing about themselves. They don't go fast enough either. They say they can't afford them. Who can? Whey can "They" decide to not be safe with the kids but we can't? Well, I'm not looking to be unsafe with kids, I just wanna bitch about something.

I want a sign in my car that says "Bob on board". Or "Bob is bored". Or "Beer on board". Of course that would make stupid drivers avoid being stupid. Just like I avoid being dangerous when I see "Baby on board". I could sell those signs. Only Bobs or beer heads would buy them though. Or what about "My child is not in the car anymore. Go ahead and ram me".

Anything for a buck, I'm thinking about retiring after all.