There is no global warming

Yes that's right.  I totally believe what the title says.  There is no global warming.  In Oklahoma at least.  It's the end of June in Oklahoma and if there was global warming my tires wouldn't be melting on the parking lot.  Pedestrians wouldn't need emergency medical rescue simply because they're foolish enough to walk while the sun is up.                                                                                                                                            

There's no global warming here.  That was last April.  This is global melting.  Global igniting.  Global infernal consumption.

Last summer we had 44 days of 3 digit temps.  Last summer I lost a half dozen trees from my little piece of country land just because of the heat.  It was so hot nobody was able to grow tomatoes.  People moved to Mexico.  The lakes got so hot that the water went bad.  They advised us not to let the water get on us. 
                                                      
We've started it again.  103, 104, 106 etc, all this week and weekend.  Soon it'll be 90 degrees plus at midnight and may the lord have mercy on the air-conditioner repairman.  Angry, overheated, desperate people will bang on his doors at all hours demanding he forget about tomorrow or make it cool tonight.

The sun is coming, the sun is coming.  And it's going to sit down right here in Tulsa and smile at us while we singe away.  Sometimes, when walking to my car after work I get a faint hint of the smell of burning hair.  I hope it's not from my head. 

It's already hot enough that it's not a feeling, it's a pressure.  It's a sizzling squeeze that covers your skin from top to bottom and, like a white hot boa constrictor, it takes your breath right out of you.  It pushes you down and you try to fight back by standing up straighter but the searing air you're walking through will cover you like a melting blanket and burn your lips and lungs. 
                                            
Don't touch the car.  Door handles burn.  Don't get inside there.  Not yet.  Let it run a while, if it starts.  Let it try to blow some of that dismal heat outside before you slide inside with your burning butt.  Turn that air all the way up to Super Tundra Liquid Oxygen Cold Spell Freeze, only to make it slightly warm instead of a Mercurical Boil.
  
And traffic?  With a city full of searing souls? Traffic is dangerous and terrible and frightening.  At least we don't expect any drive-by shootings today.  Bullets are too damnit hot to handle.  People aren't even cooking dinner.  Everyone's afraid the oven will ignite the kitchen air. 
   
We'll make it through.  We're Oklahoman's after all.  We laugh at adverse weather.  We'll sit under the air conditioner miracles and work all day and into the night in order to pay the electric bills.  We'll somehow last until it lets up once again and becomes good old Indian Summer.  But until then we just have to have plenty of cold showers, ice for the forhead and a good explanation for why the hell we live in a place like this.