Carpet Sandals

     Not very long ago we had to pull the carpet out of the house.  Pulled it out of the living room and den and out of the bathrooms.  Yes, out of the bathrooms.  Who puts carpet in the bathroom.  I was going to leave it there forever since I don't like to mess with things that cause work but one day I dared to fix a broken plumbing pipe.  Did pretty well too.  When we got home from the restaurant I had to pull up the bathroom carpet and the carpet in the closet and then had to remove all items that used to be dryly stored around those places and put them outside to dry back to normal.

     After the plumber righted my wrongs we put tile down in the bathroom and new carpet in the closet and master bedroom.  And I was told, in no uncertain terms, that I don't plumb no more.  But that's not why we bared the living room floor.  We have dogs.  People ask "How many dogs do you have?"  And I say "Too."  They say "Oh, two?"  And I say no "No, too.  Too damned."  And they say "What?"  And I say "Many."

     Dogs vomit.  Dogs try not to, but sometimes they poop.  Often they get muddy.  Constantly they ruin carpets.  If someone could ever invent a carpet that is colored and textured and designed to look like trash and slop and glump then dog owners everywhere will beat a path to their door.  We must all hide the evidence of our too damned dogs.  So, to hide ours, we pulled up the carpet in the living room and den and replaced that with fake wood floors.  Ceramic floors.  Now the dogs sliiiiide when playing inside. 

     So now that we've worked and slaved and hired someone else to remove the carpets, Ms Donna wants carpets again.  Well, not in the living room.  She wants carpet in the spare bedroom, where a second plumbing mistake destroyed that carpet.  She might also want carpet in the spare bathroom where we recently removed carpet.  Why are we adding carpet after removing carpet?  We're doing it because that's what I want.  Ms Donna told me that's what I want and so that's what I want.  I'm married you know.  Carpet feels so nice on the feet.  Ms Donna loves to be able to walk around on plush carpet, especially in the winter time, on bare feet.  Oh yes, I agree, good carpet makes for good feeling feet.  So that's where I got my new idea. 

     I've decided that's gonna be the way to finance our retirement, which is coming soon to this penniless couple near you.  I think I can make a small fortune with this new idea.  CARPET SANDALS!  That's Cit.  Make sandals that have fine feeling carpet on the inside.  Don't put carpet stuff on the bottom of the sandals, put it inside where your feet go.  That way you can have carpet wherever you walk at a true fraction of the price.  We could make different kinds of carpet sandals satisfying your varied carpeting tastes. We could make different colors and feels depending on your mood.  Frieze, plush, shag, tufted and whatever you might want.  We could even sell it in sets.  Get a dozen different kinds.  Keep buying till you own the whole set.  How wonderful.  Wonderful for making me and Ms Donna very rich in our highly deserved retirement times and wonderful that we can wander around on fancy carpet without the expense of fancy carpet. 

     Watch for it.  We'll have them on the shelves soon.  Ranchlander Carpet Sandals.  Walking our way to freedom.  Wading through the carpet of our retirement dreams.