The Girth of Fame

So here's what we're gonna do. 
There's not a lot of money stuffed back for retirement and we have big plans for it.  We have the itch to travel the world and eat the finest and drink only the hippest wines and waters.  We need to have many monies to draw from when we get around to retirement and right now, there just aren't that many.  That's why we have this new plan. 

We're eating.

Me and Ms Donna have decided that the thing to do is overstuff ourselves.  We need to start un-dieting.  We need to cram ourselves with fried foods and with ice cream and fancy deserts and ill chosen fast foods along with lots of sinful southern selections of fried foods.  We've decided that we need to get fat.  We need to get so fat that we're embarrasing.  We need to get so fat that we can't get outta bed, that we can't fit on the toilet, that we make you feel sorry for us.  We need to be like all those people on television who are famous now because they got fat or drunk or addicted and then you looked at them and you thought.  "Oh my goodness, how sad they are.  I feel so sorry for them."

And so you cheer them on while they whimper and sob and work and sweat and lose some of that disgusting weight.  You support them with your butt and brain while they turn over their leaves and change them selves for the better.  You love them.  You learn from them. You feel better than them. 

So we're gonna do that.  We're going to get so fat that we can't see our toes.  We're going to get portly enough that we couldn't even sit down without rolling.  And then we'll lose it all.  We'll be heroes.  We'll be famous and we'll make much money showing off for you. 

Yes, we'll be heroes.  Forget the poor fools who never get fat.  America doesn't respect those who live a healthy life and try to not ever do wrong.  We don't think there's anything special about those dang bums who exercise and eat right and stay clean.  What good are they.  What interest do they have for us.  We only love the undesirables.  We look up to and praise only the ones who have been disgusting and came back.  We love to look down on the baddies.  We like to feel better than them.  So when the extremely overfed take the center stage and stand before us all and say,  "I'm naked and I'm fat".  We say, "Good for you".  We cheer them onward and we watch them cry and whimper and cringe.  We make them famous and rich.  And that's what's in it for us. 

Me and Ms Donna will overeat.  We're starting it all now.  We're going to get dishearteningly robust and we're gonna just sit there and cry.  We're gonna make you sorry for us and make you despise us and make you make us very rich while you watch.  We'll be like those people in the T.V. commercials and those people on those T.V. shows who've been fat before and are svelte, attractive and rich now.  You're going to make our retirement grand.  You're going to save us from selling eggs on the street corner.  You're gonna make us rich, just because we were once disgusting.  It's the American way.