Prison communique

I'm looking out now, at the beautiful morning outside.  Bright sunlight and newly blossomed leaves on our trees are visible out the tiny section of window that I can see from my table here in the dining room.  I'm trapped here.  And there's nothing I can do.


Ms. Donna works nights and I work - well I don't work at all.  I love mornings so I'm always up very early.  Just recently Jake The Dog was senile and he would wake up at 3 A.M. and bark incessantly for breakfast.  By the time I took all dogs outside to pee and then fed them all and then took care of the chickens and the garden, well I was no longer sleepy and so I had breakfast and started my day.  Jake's gone now and so I get to sleep late.  Don't get up till 7 anymore. 


Normally I would love to go outside and work in the yard or mess with something old and sagging on the house or fish.  But I can't do that.  We have this damnit dog that has some kind of separation anxiety.  She barks shrilly when I go out the door for anything She can't allow me to go to the bathroom alone.  And when she starts barking so do all the others inside bark too.  When they start barking the dogs out front begin barking and we have a situation on our hands. 


So I have to stay inside and be quiet.  I'm trapped.  Imprisoned in my own home.


I have breakfast.  I read the news on the laptop.  I play chess.  I try to write.  I'm working now on a 'based on a true story' novel about my mom.  I'm using the backdrop of history to tell the story of her life.  It's disappointing because I used to have a briefcase of writings from Mom and from my grandma that told about their lives.  I don't have that anymore because I gave it to my sister who promised to scan it all and make it available to the rest of us in the family.  Well now that insane sister is estranged from all of us and I don't have that background anymore.  So I'm using stuff from my journals and from a little book my mom wrote.


So.  I sit and be quiet.  Usually.
I do the dishes and straighten up the house.  I want Ms. Donna to come in to a clean and dusted house as often as possible so that she won't get the idea that maybe I should go back to work.  She has suggested before that I go back.  She thinks I need to fill up more of my time.  She thinks I miss work.  Huh.  She thinks I miss work.  Huh. Har, har, har.  Hooooeeee.   That's pretty funny.


I'm scared to pretend to look for a job.  I might find one.  I cannot believe these people who pretend they can't get work.  Bullshit.  I have never had trouble finding work in my life.  I have worked fulltime for over 49 years.  I was out of work once for two weeks when I got out of the Navy and that's it. 


Any time I needed work in the past I would get up early and go out to where they were building whatever they were building and show up at dawn at the donut shops dressed for work with gloves in my pocket.  If I didn't get a job there I would go out to the construction sites.  Always found work.  People who think they can't find work are just not liking the work they can find.  You need to show up.  Get ready to work and go where people work and tell them that you are ready and willing to work.  Take the job that they'll give you and do it as well as you can and move up.  That's all you need to do.  You might make minimum wage but don't bitch about it.  Learn to make more.  That's all.


Ms. Donna will wake up about 2pm.  Then I'll have to rush around to try to do all the noisy stuff I need to do before it gets dark. 


I'll be glad when she gets old enough to stop working.